H is for Health.

(This is mostly for people who have just given birth.)

How are you feeling?

Did you have an episiotomy? Did you have to have stitches? Was it a cesarean and if so, was it planned or emergency? Are you passing clots? Are your breasts sore? Have you been able to poop? How is your sleep? When was the last time you took a shower? How long have you been wearing the clothes you’re wearing right now? Does your vagina still hurt? Are your muscles sore? Were you told not to lift anything over 10 lbs, then left the hospital with your 7 lb baby in its 5 lb car seat? Did you have to leave your baby in the NICU but you were discharged? Did you get an infection? Is everyone offering their unsolicited advice for how to care for your baby? Do you feel judged for your choices? Have you tried to push the nurse call button only to realize you’re at home and there are no nurses to call? Have you been having headaches? Are you worried your baby will stop sleeping in the middle of the night when they stop making little noises, so you’re not sleeping either?

I experienced most of this.

I don’t have answers for all of this, but I want you to know that you are not alone. The most important thing to remember is this:

YOU HAVE TO BE OKAY FIRST SO YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOUR BABY.

Don’t ignore your needs.

You need to eat. You need to sleep. You need to drink water. You need to brush your teeth and wash your face. You need to take a shower every few days, even if it’s just to have some time alone.

Don’t worry about sending out announcements or calling everyone back/responding to emails. Don’t worry about doing your hair or putting on any makeup. It doesn’t even matter if your clothes match. None of these things are not as important as your health.

And ask for help. I remember having some teenagers that I used to babysit come over and they folded clothes while the babies and I took a nap. And I was SO grateful that they folded the clothes for me! Another friend did the dishes for me. If someone asks how they can help, you can ask them to bring you a milkshake or sweep the kitchen floor. You are even allowed to say “I’m not up to visitors right now but I appreciate you thinking about me.”